Becoming Socially Awkward...

To move to another country, leave behind family, friends and Central Market that you love you must be willing to do many things. I knew this. I went to the orientation about it. However, after a year of life here in beloved 中国 I am very sad to say that there is one thing I do not want to give up. In fact I work every day to try and reclaim it, but alas I must accept the fact that whether I want to or not I am at a stage in my life here in this country where I need to accept the fact that something has crept into my life I would have rather avoided. Something that causes me to cringe inwardly. Something that may drive me to hide under my bed for years to come. Yes, I have become socially awkward...

Now, don't worry friends living in our home country...you'll still want to be my friend...I mean I hope you still want to be my friend. Of course that decision is solely yours and hopefully this blog post will not impact your choice, however, I can understand after further reading and consideration if you decide you need to look in another direction. What I mean by this is not what interactions are like with other 美国朋友 or for that fact any other foreigner, our friendship isn't impacted by my social awkwardness. What I mean is that when I'm the only foreigner, when it's just me and a 中国朋友, me and the homies, I can tell that I'm socially awkward.

I mean it makes sense right? I'm not from here. I'm totally a white, American living in another country who can speak the language with the precision of a two year old...some days a three year old...but that's after a really good study session and great night's sleep. Of course it's awkward. Of course it's uncomfortable. I just wish it was less uncomfortable. Giving up Mexican food, not too hard, we can make salsa here. Giving up Chick Fil A's drive thru, kind of sad, but still bearable. Not seeing friends regularly, a lot harder, but made easier because of skype, etc. But giving up feeling like you have a remote clue to as what's happening around you, what to say, how to say it and how you should behave...it's been killing me.

But I have this hope...someday I may no longer be as awkward. I may move on the awkward scale from a 10, which is the highest, to a 2, which is maybe what I think I am in America. If you think otherwise please don't say anything. My 10th degree of current social awkwardness can not take it.

If you read this and you lift me up, ask that I can persevere through this stage. I really believe it's just a stage, but I suspect it's going to be a pretty long one. Looking back, I liked the previous stage. The stage where I was just clueless. Every sentence was a victory. Every 你好 a success. But this new stage, man it's going to take a lot of work. Pray that I embrace it! Ask Him to help me be willing to become socially awkward! The only way to move out of this stage is to embrace it for the time being. To learn from it. To not avoid it, because if I avoid it that means I'll be avoiding people, the very reason we live here.

So this is me. A new me. A socially awkward me.

PS. If I was my husband this wouldn't be a problem since he actually enjoys the awkwardness. He finds it humorous. A chance to learn. A chance to just be yourself. There might be something to embrace from this perspective. However I do think I'll reject the intentional creation of awkwardness that fits so well into my husband's personality...it's just awkward, in any culture. Sorry Captain...I said it and I'll say it again!

Let's go to the movies...

I haven't blogged for a bit because too many thoughts equals too many blog posts equals too much tiredness equals I probably should just go study. But I did want to record a few things I'm thinking here on July 4th, 2010 and they happen to all relate to the movie theater.

1) In the year and several weeks I have lived in this country I've been to the movie theater three times. That's approximately the same amount of times I would go to the movies when I lived in Dallas. Ahh...I'm glad some things don't have to change.

2) The best part of going to the movies in China is picking your seat. I'm not sure why but at the theater downtown the ticket attendant asks where you would like to sit before giving you your ticket. You get to look at the screen and then pick your seat. It doesn't really matter where you choose to sit because if anyone has happened to already select a seat in the row you've chosen you will be seated directly next to them. So if the theater is 1/4 full chances are all those people will still be seated in approximately four rows directly next to one another.

3) This seating arrangement would be totally awkward in America, but here in China where people are crowded together all the time anyway it doesn't seem to really matter. And for someone like me the movie is just enhanced by the fact that a Chinese audience will totally interact with the movie. Unlike a dull American audience who will only laugh out loud at a funny joke or gasp at a large explosion, a Chinese audience will comment throughout the movie on almost anything. Like when we watched Avatar and everyone gasped and called out 漂亮 at the lovely white floaty things. Or when the child behind me, and I suppose this isn't totally unique to China since kids talk during movies in America too, cried out as Woody's eyes in Toy Story 3 grew really large "他的眼睛那么大！“ (Translation: His eyes are stinking huge!) It just makes the movie all the more entertaining to be with the group and to hear things about a movie created in your own cultural context viewed from another culture's eyes.

4) Our city is pretty small, so movies at the theater are only in Chinese. In the last year I've seen Up, Avatar and Toy Story 3...in Chinese, in that order. I will admit that as my understanding of Chinese has increased my understanding of the story line has increased as well. I've gone from around 10% to 30% to probably 60%. Since I'd seen Up in English it was no problem to understand only about 10%. Avatar was a little interesting...why they heck were they going to that other planet anyways? What was wrong with Earth? Are they even on Earth? And then finally a movie I can understand, a movie about kids and toys. No problems there: Andy is obviously going to 大学, his toys are obviously going to miss him, and Ken and Barbie are obviously hilarious.

5) Movies dubbed over in another language are also increasingly funnier as your language is increasingly higher. I laughed really, really hard throughout Toy Story at parts that weren't suppose to be funny merely because I got tickled by listening to the characters speak Chinese. For example as a train goes over a cliff and Jessie screams out 不，不，不, laugher is not the reaction that is appropriate to the moment. However it sure was stinking hilarious to me for some reason. And those three little green alien dudes speaking Chinese...don't get me started on their range of comic ability in Mandarin.

6) It could be a coincidence that all three movies I've seen here in China have been in 3D, or it could be Pixar's plan for global domination. Who knows...anyways, here's what you need to know about 3D movies in China. The glasses they provide you to watch the movie with aren't the same cheap 10 cent throw-away, you can steal them from the movie theater with no repercussions kind of glasses they give you in the US. (Not that I would know anything about taking 3D glasses from the movie theater.) These 3D glasses are hard core. First, of all they are thick and heavy. Second, they have to be activated with some kind of wave machine. Third, if you try to steal them you're going to pay and my local friend said he thinks a pair costs about 3000 kuai. Now that's intense. Which translates to several theater attendants viciously guarding the door to insure that you don't leave the theater without turning in your glasses. Need to go to the bathroom, need to turn in those glasses my friend before you leave. NO glasses, NO exit.

7) All in all the Chinese movie theater gets too huge thumbs up from this girl. To be honest other then the seating arrangement, squatty potties in the bathrooms, sweet popcorn instead of buttery popcorn in the concession line, vicious theater attendants protecting their 3000 kuai investment and the charming Chinese audience the movie theater is basically a Cinemark. I wouldn't be surprised if Cinemark owns the theater. Especially since a movie is still $7-$10 US and popcorn is $2.50. But I'm ok with that. Thanks Cinemark for your plans of global domination...they make me happy on a Friday in the middle of the long, hot summer!

The world's biggest fruit roll-up

I like to eat a local snack in our city that resembles an organic fruit roll-up. I say organic because the taste reminds me of the no-sugar added organic fruit roll-ups that you can get at Whole Foods or Trader Joes or I guess even Target nowadays. I say fruit roll-up because it's made of fruit and it's in the shape of a roll. Here's an example of a commonly found locally made organic fruit roll-up.

I've always thought these were pretty awesome until I discovered the world's biggest organic fruit roll-up at the grocery store. And then I realized that the taste of my previous favorite brand was now dwarfed by the sheer awesomeness of the size of the largest fruit roll-up known to man, which just so happened to be on sale and located in a gigantic bin of similarly sized roll-ups.

Pretty huge huh? And how does one begin to eat such a large discovery? Allow me to demonstrate...

In case you are curious these local organic fruit roll-ups are made of Chinese fruit called Hawthorne. Which I am not entirely sure I like eating in any other form other then a roll-up, but which my husband likes to consume in many forms.

Oh you white people...

Last semester our school was horribly concerned about the spread of H1N1. To ensure that it did not spread rampantly through the international students building a brilliant idea was hatched. If they could somehow put in our hands food that we would be required to eat at home, then we would no longer go to restaurants and purchase food thus decreasing our chances of catching H1N1. So they bought each student a bag of this:

This would be the large 5-10 pound bag of rice that can probably be found in any home of an Asian family worldwide. Although not being Asian myself, my last name is 陈, and so of course our family has one of these bags in our kitchen cupboard at all times since we became the 陈's. So when the school presented us with not just one free bag, but two free bags we were quite excited. Their plan had worked! We would eat at home and not get H1N1.

Unfortunately the administrators forgot one factor in their carefully devised plan to thwart H1N1...and that would small little factor would be the white people. Historically white people worldwide have never had large 5-10 pound bags of rice in their homes. Who would buy that much rice? How long would it take to eat that much? And wouldn't it go bad before eating? After all, Uncle Ben only sells 1 pound bags of rice. Surely a pound of rice is more then enough rice to last for all the rice casseroles that any family would need to make for a long time.

That day walking out of school this historic reality was confirmed by my sweet friend from Wisconsin who stood next to me and said "Can you believe they gave us this much rice. I haven't eaten this much rice in my whole life." I smiled and resisted asking if I could have her bag and then proceeded to tell her that we would finish our two bags in a few months.

Which was a correct statement, because if memory serves me correctly, they passed these bags out sometime in November. I think we opened ours in December when our other giant bag ran out. And just last week I bought a new 5 pound bag of rice after we used the two bags the school gave us. (I buy 5 pound in China you know because who wants to take a 10 pound bag of rice home with them on their bicycle.) So there you have it, how long will it take that huge bag of rice to be eaten? The answer, not too long.

There are just some things...

There are just some things that make me cry. For example:

Adoption Stories

Whenever I so much as begin to think about the movie Steel Magnolias

When someone announces they are going to have a baby

Watching someone stand on the gold medal platform when their national anthem plays at the Olympics

At graduation when the graduation song starts and the graduates stream through the open doors

When they open the doors and the bride starts to walk down the aisle with her Dad

Listening to Mika with headphones that have sound coming out of both ears instead of just one

Just a little public service announcement. I promise, I'm not sad, I just want to cry. So if you happen to be around for any of these events, do not worry. I'm really ok.

我妈是一个老外

You may be wondering what the title of this post says. A year ago I myself would also wonder what I wrote, however that is before I stepped of the plane and became a 老外 (laowai). Now if you have never lived in this fair land that I now call home you may not have experienced the phenomenon of hearing yourself called laowai approximately 37 times a day, it is truly something that you can probably live your entire life without and still die happily.

When we first arrived in China I was mortified when people stared, pointed or yelled out laowai. How embarrassing. How rude. But that was until my husband would stare back, point at that person and yell out Zhongguo ren. Then they all would stare at him instead and wonder what was wrong with this rude guy who looked like a Zhongguo ren but was acting like a laowai.

As I've started to understand more conversations taking place around me the lao wai shout out has become pretty amusing. It's no longer embarrassing, just humorous, well most of the time. Then I started thinking about my kids and realized that depending on how long we live here they will grow from being sweet innocent babes to adorable children to grumpy teenagers and started wondering how they will react when they hear the melodic chorus of laowai.

Oh sure when people point and call out lao wai they will be pointing at my kids too, but still they'll probably fit in a little better then their Mom and also their Dad. Because no matter how hard we try our kids will probably have better Chinese. They will probably have a better understanding to parts of the culture. And they will more then likely be embarrassed by the things their parents do and say in front of their friends. Of course that last one we don't need to be living in China to see happen.

And that is when I realized that in a lot of ways in the eyes of a teenager parent who is a lao wai is just a lot like a parent who is a FOB. And that just like those who have seek to immortalize their embarrassment of their parents in the blogosphere by documenting the hilarious mistakes made by their English as a Second language parents, my children will possibly do the same to their Chinese as a Second Language mother.

So unborn kids, this one is for you. Just so you can get a head start I'd like to give you the top 10 ways you know you can say with pride 我妈是一个老外。I won't document my language mistakes just yet though, I'll save those for you.

我妈是一个老外 Top 10

1) If you have ever stood in a crowd watching a street performance and noticed that the majority of people in the crowd are no longer looking at the performance but at your Mom instead then your Mom might be a laowai.

2) If your Mom orders cheese and butter by the jin and has it delivered to your home then your Mom might be a laowai.

3) If your Mom ever walks around a restaurant looking at what other people have ordered and then giving the waitress her order based on what looks tasty rather then by trying to read the characters on the menu then your Mom might be a laowai.

4) If your Mom ever has had another mother plop her three year old child in front of her and then proceed to force that child to say hello, goodbye and sing Happy Birthday in English then your Mom is for sure a laowai.

5) If your Mom is constantly told that her child is not wearing enough clothes or allowing her child to lose weight or anything of the sort then your Mom might be a laowai.

6) If your Mom say's Ni Hao and Zai Jian to her neighbors instead of Chi le ma and Zuo le then she might be a laowai.

7) If your Mom let's another Mom's kids call her Aiyi and tells you to call that Mom Aiyi as well, but then stumbles over whether to call that Mom by her name, big sister, little sister, little xing, big xing or just "hey you" then your Mom might be a laowai.

8) If your Mom has ever served jiaozi, eggs and tomato, rice and mashed potatoes all on the same table then your Mom is definitely a laowai.

9) If your Mom has ever had a lower price quoted to her for potatoes at the market then the lady who comes up next because the vendor knows she won't bargain like a normal person then she is surely a laowai.

10) If as a baby you wore a diaper and were not allowed to pee or poo on the trees then your Mom is without question a laowai.

I would just like to say one thing about being a laowai. When I was growing up I had a friend who called her Mom a FOB quite often based on some of the pretty funny things she said and did. But she also made us a ton of delicious stuff to eat, drove us to the movies and did other cool Mom stuff. And despite language barriers she always liked talking to us. And so when I think about being that laowai Mom I hope I'm a Mom like that...even though I sometimes get third tone and second tone confused and do other weird things without even being aware that they are weird.

A little diddy...

In honor of today being Good Friday I asked my local sister how they celebrated zui hao de xingqiwu. Apparently asking someone who calls Good Friday the Passion day how they celebrate "the best Friday" takes a little bit of explaining and is reason number 213 that I should not be allowed to try my hand at guessing any words in any other language.

In honor of "the best Friday" I wanted to put together a little diddy, if it's ok to put a diddy together in honor of His death. Anyways, this little number is a compilation of lyrics that hit me in the gut every time I hear them....even if some are sung by Kelly Clarkson about an unrelated subject, well sort of unrelated.

Amazing love, how can it be? That you my king would die for me

At the wonderful, tragic mysterious tree, on the beautiful, scandalous night

From free grace alone from the first to the last

He is mighty to save, he is mighty to save

You count it strange so once did I, before I knew

Something changed inside me, broke wide open all spilled out, till I had no doubt

You are stronger, you are stronger, sin is broken, you are risen

You found me when no one else was looking, how did you know just where I would be?

It is you we adore, it is you our praises are for, it is you only you.

So what can I say, what can I do, but offer this heart completely to you.