Becoming Socially Awkward...

To move to another country, leave behind family, friends and Central Market that you love you must be willing to do many things. I knew this. I went to the orientation about it. However, after a year of life here in beloved 中国 I am very sad to say that there is one thing I do not want to give up. In fact I work every day to try and reclaim it, but alas I must accept the fact that whether I want to or not I am at a stage in my life here in this country where I need to accept the fact that something has crept into my life I would have rather avoided. Something that causes me to cringe inwardly. Something that may drive me to hide under my bed for years to come. Yes, I have become socially awkward...

Now, don't worry friends living in our home country...you'll still want to be my friend...I mean I hope you still want to be my friend. Of course that decision is solely yours and hopefully this blog post will not impact your choice, however, I can understand after further reading and consideration if you decide you need to look in another direction. What I mean by this is not what interactions are like with other 美国朋友 or for that fact any other foreigner, our friendship isn't impacted by my social awkwardness. What I mean is that when I'm the only foreigner, when it's just me and a 中国朋友, me and the homies, I can tell that I'm socially awkward.

I mean it makes sense right? I'm not from here. I'm totally a white, American living in another country who can speak the language with the precision of a two year old...some days a three year old...but that's after a really good study session and great night's sleep. Of course it's awkward. Of course it's uncomfortable. I just wish it was less uncomfortable. Giving up Mexican food, not too hard, we can make salsa here. Giving up Chick Fil A's drive thru, kind of sad, but still bearable. Not seeing friends regularly, a lot harder, but made easier because of skype, etc. But giving up feeling like you have a remote clue to as what's happening around you, what to say, how to say it and how you should behave...it's been killing me.

But I have this hope...someday I may no longer be as awkward. I may move on the awkward scale from a 10, which is the highest, to a 2, which is maybe what I think I am in America. If you think otherwise please don't say anything. My 10th degree of current social awkwardness can not take it.

If you read this and you lift me up, ask that I can persevere through this stage. I really believe it's just a stage, but I suspect it's going to be a pretty long one. Looking back, I liked the previous stage. The stage where I was just clueless. Every sentence was a victory. Every 你好 a success. But this new stage, man it's going to take a lot of work. Pray that I embrace it! Ask Him to help me be willing to become socially awkward! The only way to move out of this stage is to embrace it for the time being. To learn from it. To not avoid it, because if I avoid it that means I'll be avoiding people, the very reason we live here.

So this is me. A new me. A socially awkward me.

PS. If I was my husband this wouldn't be a problem since he actually enjoys the awkwardness. He finds it humorous. A chance to learn. A chance to just be yourself. There might be something to embrace from this perspective. However I do think I'll reject the intentional creation of awkwardness that fits so well into my husband's personality...it's just awkward, in any culture. Sorry Captain...I said it and I'll say it again!

Let's go to the movies...

I haven't blogged for a bit because too many thoughts equals too many blog posts equals too much tiredness equals I probably should just go study. But I did want to record a few things I'm thinking here on July 4th, 2010 and they happen to all relate to the movie theater.

1) In the year and several weeks I have lived in this country I've been to the movie theater three times. That's approximately the same amount of times I would go to the movies when I lived in Dallas. Ahh...I'm glad some things don't have to change.

2) The best part of going to the movies in China is picking your seat. I'm not sure why but at the theater downtown the ticket attendant asks where you would like to sit before giving you your ticket. You get to look at the screen and then pick your seat. It doesn't really matter where you choose to sit because if anyone has happened to already select a seat in the row you've chosen you will be seated directly next to them. So if the theater is 1/4 full chances are all those people will still be seated in approximately four rows directly next to one another.

3) This seating arrangement would be totally awkward in America, but here in China where people are crowded together all the time anyway it doesn't seem to really matter. And for someone like me the movie is just enhanced by the fact that a Chinese audience will totally interact with the movie. Unlike a dull American audience who will only laugh out loud at a funny joke or gasp at a large explosion, a Chinese audience will comment throughout the movie on almost anything. Like when we watched Avatar and everyone gasped and called out 漂亮 at the lovely white floaty things. Or when the child behind me, and I suppose this isn't totally unique to China since kids talk during movies in America too, cried out as Woody's eyes in Toy Story 3 grew really large "他的眼睛那么大！“ (Translation: His eyes are stinking huge!) It just makes the movie all the more entertaining to be with the group and to hear things about a movie created in your own cultural context viewed from another culture's eyes.

4) Our city is pretty small, so movies at the theater are only in Chinese. In the last year I've seen Up, Avatar and Toy Story 3...in Chinese, in that order. I will admit that as my understanding of Chinese has increased my understanding of the story line has increased as well. I've gone from around 10% to 30% to probably 60%. Since I'd seen Up in English it was no problem to understand only about 10%. Avatar was a little interesting...why they heck were they going to that other planet anyways? What was wrong with Earth? Are they even on Earth? And then finally a movie I can understand, a movie about kids and toys. No problems there: Andy is obviously going to 大学, his toys are obviously going to miss him, and Ken and Barbie are obviously hilarious.

5) Movies dubbed over in another language are also increasingly funnier as your language is increasingly higher. I laughed really, really hard throughout Toy Story at parts that weren't suppose to be funny merely because I got tickled by listening to the characters speak Chinese. For example as a train goes over a cliff and Jessie screams out 不，不，不, laugher is not the reaction that is appropriate to the moment. However it sure was stinking hilarious to me for some reason. And those three little green alien dudes speaking Chinese...don't get me started on their range of comic ability in Mandarin.

6) It could be a coincidence that all three movies I've seen here in China have been in 3D, or it could be Pixar's plan for global domination. Who knows...anyways, here's what you need to know about 3D movies in China. The glasses they provide you to watch the movie with aren't the same cheap 10 cent throw-away, you can steal them from the movie theater with no repercussions kind of glasses they give you in the US. (Not that I would know anything about taking 3D glasses from the movie theater.) These 3D glasses are hard core. First, of all they are thick and heavy. Second, they have to be activated with some kind of wave machine. Third, if you try to steal them you're going to pay and my local friend said he thinks a pair costs about 3000 kuai. Now that's intense. Which translates to several theater attendants viciously guarding the door to insure that you don't leave the theater without turning in your glasses. Need to go to the bathroom, need to turn in those glasses my friend before you leave. NO glasses, NO exit.

7) All in all the Chinese movie theater gets too huge thumbs up from this girl. To be honest other then the seating arrangement, squatty potties in the bathrooms, sweet popcorn instead of buttery popcorn in the concession line, vicious theater attendants protecting their 3000 kuai investment and the charming Chinese audience the movie theater is basically a Cinemark. I wouldn't be surprised if Cinemark owns the theater. Especially since a movie is still $7-$10 US and popcorn is $2.50. But I'm ok with that. Thanks Cinemark for your plans of global domination...they make me happy on a Friday in the middle of the long, hot summer!