I found this the other day. It's from a presentation a classmate did at DTS. I'm a really bad listener. I should read this regularly.
...I'm not Listening
When I'm thinking about an answer while others are talking, I'm not listening.
When I give unsolicited advice, I'm not listening.
When I suggest they shouldn't feel the way they do, I'm not listening.
When I apply a quick fix, I'm not listening.
When I fail to acknowledge their feelings, I"m not listening.
When I fidget, glance at my watch and appear to be rushed, I'm not listening.
When I fail to maintain eye contact, I'm not listening.
When I don't ask follow-up questions, I'm not listening.
When I top their story with a bigger, better story of my own, I'm not listening.
When they share a difficult experience and I counter with one of my own, I'm not listening.
Really, all I have to do is listen. I don't have to talk, just listen.
By Dave Rober
Friday, May 1, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Until I was 27 years old, I couldn't touch my toes...
So, you might be surprised to discover that until I was 27 years old I wasn't able to touch my toes. This was quite embarrassing during gym class in middle school when we took the physical fit test and actually got a grade based on touching our toes and bonus points for reaching beyond our toes. I was doomed from the start. I was going to live a life of failure because I could only reach my calves.
Flash forward ten years to my roommate AJ who started going to a Pilates class and convinced me to go with her. "But AJ" I protested. "I hate Pilates. It's all about stretching and I can't even touch my toes!" She didn't listen, in fact she convinced me that if I came that I might even like it.
Not only was she right but after just three class sessions, I was bending over my mat struggling to do a Pilates push-up when all of a sudden a miracle occurred. "Wait a minute, did I just touch my toes?" I did 5 more push-ups and crab walked back up the mat. "Yep, that was definitely me touching my toes!" I felt like jumping up and down. I wanted to run up to our instructor Kelly and give her a big hug. Kelly, being worthy enough to have her own blog post someday, is one of my personal heroes! After all she introduced me to the phenomenon of my fingers touching toes without the back of my knees being bent.
Today you will be happy to know that with the help of consistent spurts of Pilates I now touch my toes on a regular basis. In fact, I can even reach beyond my toes. I just wish I could go back and repeat gym class.
A similar thing happened with running. In high school I HATED to run. I loved working out, I just hated running. I would spend about three hours each afternoon playing tennis, but when it came time to run laps I whined, complained and basically walked through my part. The worst part was the days we were forced to run a mile lap around our school, in 100 degree weather at 2:00 during school hours. I mean, come on, people were still in class watching through the windows! Yuck!
Fast forward a few years later to my friend SK who wanted to go running and needed a running buddy. Picture the same conversation with AJ only insert the words "go running." And even though I whined and complained, just like Pilates, running won me over. I now go on a regular basis. In fact the idea of running the mile lap around Garland High School actually sounds like fun, just not at 2:00 on a sunny day.
There is something else in my life that I'm waiting to be proved wrong by. I am anticipating that my experience as a teenager in this area will be completely different from my experience as an adult. And I feel like the hope is really there, that I can relearn to do something that I have felt for years was impossible. And each time I touch my toes or run a mile (hey...I'm still working on getting to that second mile) I feel like I can almost touch the reality that it is possible.
What is the impossible task to which I refer? Well, I almost shudder as I type these words, I plan to learn a new language.
You see, just like touching my toes and just like running a mile, language learning has never been something I would have said that I am good at. In fact, the only failing grade I have ever received in my life was in 7th grade French class. Which proved to me that I was not good with new languages. Never mind the fact that I then took four years of high school Spanish with relative success, I still was not good with languages.
Last January the Captain and I went to New Personal Orientation with our organization. We took a language test, would you like to know my scores? Keep in mind, these scores are based on self-perception:
Inhibition -4
Self-Image -6
Risk-Taking -2
Ego Permeability -2
Ambiguity 0
Looking pretty grim huh? Keep in mind, this scale runs from -6 to +6. But are you ready for this, check out where I scored highest...
Motivation +6
Go figure. So basically, last January, I believed that I am totally incapable of learning a language, but I'm going to do it come hell or high water. The irony is at that same orientation we also took another test based not on what we thought of our language ability, but what our actually language ability truly was. Here's what I scored:
Phonetic Script: missed half
Spelling Cues: missed half
Over All: mid high %
So basically, I'm a really bad speller (are you surprised) but over all, when it comes to languages. I'm mid-high. Which translates to, I'm average! Yippee, my self-image score just leaped several points. I might even be out of the negative range now.
Why do I write about language learning in the context of Pilates and Running? Well, the truth is that in my brain they all occupied a similar category titled: "Things I was forced to do as an child in the Texas education system which I will not do as an adult because I am horrible at it and do not wish to put myself through that misery or embarrassment again."
When in reality they should have occupied this newly adopted category: "Things I didn't enjoy as a child because they were forced on me but that I can come to really enjoy and love when the circumstances are right."
Let me explain. In gym class I never stretched before I was forced to try touching my toes and that is just ridiculous. I just tried to touch my toes now without streching and couldn't do it. Who, except for super bendy people, can touch their toes without stretching? That's just bad for you. But when exercise and stretching is done before toe touching, it can be accomplished...and it actually feels good.
The same goes for running. Who likes running in 100 degree temperatures around a concrete parking lot in front of the eyes of 2,000+ gawking high school students who should not be staring out the window but instead listening to their geometry teacher? No one likes that. But running on a tree lined avenue, or in the park, with an Ipod and possibly next to a friend who runs at the same pace? Now that is fun.
I guess what I'm saying is that I have always been highly motivated to learn this new language of the country that we will soon call home. But I have gone back and forth in thinking that it was actually possible for me to really speak another language. I feel confident now that I can learn this language. And that is really huge for me, because for years I would have told you that it was next to impossible for me to learn a new language. That it was going to be an uphill battle the entire way and that even in the end I wouldn't really be able to speak very well.
My perception now of what it will look like to learn a new language is really similar to how I view my ability to touch my toes or my ability to run. I'm not the best at it, but given the ideal circumstances and techniques that work for me, it is possible for me to speak another language. And speak it well.
Language learning will be a lot like running and touching my toes, it won't come naturally. I'm going to have to work at it. I'm going to have to discipline myself and make myself do it some days. But it will be rewarding in the same way that running and Pilates are rewarding. I'm going to need the right equipment to learn language, the same way I need a mat to do Pilates and an instruction video/book. Sometimes I'll try things that won't work and sometimes I'll find something to works right away. Somedays I'll be tired and need to take it easy, and other days I'll need to push myself to run that extra distance.
One thing I'm very grateful for, that I haven't mentioned yet. My love for running and my love for Pilates grew because someone else was there to help me get started. I think it will be the same for learning language. I'm going to need someone to help me get started, and that is why I praise God that he gave me the Captain. Because do you know what he scored on that same language ability test?
All Categories: Very High %
I know, he's a smartie and I'm going to take advantage of it...
Flash forward ten years to my roommate AJ who started going to a Pilates class and convinced me to go with her. "But AJ" I protested. "I hate Pilates. It's all about stretching and I can't even touch my toes!" She didn't listen, in fact she convinced me that if I came that I might even like it.
Not only was she right but after just three class sessions, I was bending over my mat struggling to do a Pilates push-up when all of a sudden a miracle occurred. "Wait a minute, did I just touch my toes?" I did 5 more push-ups and crab walked back up the mat. "Yep, that was definitely me touching my toes!" I felt like jumping up and down. I wanted to run up to our instructor Kelly and give her a big hug. Kelly, being worthy enough to have her own blog post someday, is one of my personal heroes! After all she introduced me to the phenomenon of my fingers touching toes without the back of my knees being bent.
Today you will be happy to know that with the help of consistent spurts of Pilates I now touch my toes on a regular basis. In fact, I can even reach beyond my toes. I just wish I could go back and repeat gym class.
A similar thing happened with running. In high school I HATED to run. I loved working out, I just hated running. I would spend about three hours each afternoon playing tennis, but when it came time to run laps I whined, complained and basically walked through my part. The worst part was the days we were forced to run a mile lap around our school, in 100 degree weather at 2:00 during school hours. I mean, come on, people were still in class watching through the windows! Yuck!
Fast forward a few years later to my friend SK who wanted to go running and needed a running buddy. Picture the same conversation with AJ only insert the words "go running." And even though I whined and complained, just like Pilates, running won me over. I now go on a regular basis. In fact the idea of running the mile lap around Garland High School actually sounds like fun, just not at 2:00 on a sunny day.
There is something else in my life that I'm waiting to be proved wrong by. I am anticipating that my experience as a teenager in this area will be completely different from my experience as an adult. And I feel like the hope is really there, that I can relearn to do something that I have felt for years was impossible. And each time I touch my toes or run a mile (hey...I'm still working on getting to that second mile) I feel like I can almost touch the reality that it is possible.
What is the impossible task to which I refer? Well, I almost shudder as I type these words, I plan to learn a new language.
You see, just like touching my toes and just like running a mile, language learning has never been something I would have said that I am good at. In fact, the only failing grade I have ever received in my life was in 7th grade French class. Which proved to me that I was not good with new languages. Never mind the fact that I then took four years of high school Spanish with relative success, I still was not good with languages.
Last January the Captain and I went to New Personal Orientation with our organization. We took a language test, would you like to know my scores? Keep in mind, these scores are based on self-perception:
Inhibition -4
Self-Image -6
Risk-Taking -2
Ego Permeability -2
Ambiguity 0
Looking pretty grim huh? Keep in mind, this scale runs from -6 to +6. But are you ready for this, check out where I scored highest...
Motivation +6
Go figure. So basically, last January, I believed that I am totally incapable of learning a language, but I'm going to do it come hell or high water. The irony is at that same orientation we also took another test based not on what we thought of our language ability, but what our actually language ability truly was. Here's what I scored:
Phonetic Script: missed half
Spelling Cues: missed half
Over All: mid high %
So basically, I'm a really bad speller (are you surprised) but over all, when it comes to languages. I'm mid-high. Which translates to, I'm average! Yippee, my self-image score just leaped several points. I might even be out of the negative range now.
Why do I write about language learning in the context of Pilates and Running? Well, the truth is that in my brain they all occupied a similar category titled: "Things I was forced to do as an child in the Texas education system which I will not do as an adult because I am horrible at it and do not wish to put myself through that misery or embarrassment again."
When in reality they should have occupied this newly adopted category: "Things I didn't enjoy as a child because they were forced on me but that I can come to really enjoy and love when the circumstances are right."
Let me explain. In gym class I never stretched before I was forced to try touching my toes and that is just ridiculous. I just tried to touch my toes now without streching and couldn't do it. Who, except for super bendy people, can touch their toes without stretching? That's just bad for you. But when exercise and stretching is done before toe touching, it can be accomplished...and it actually feels good.
The same goes for running. Who likes running in 100 degree temperatures around a concrete parking lot in front of the eyes of 2,000+ gawking high school students who should not be staring out the window but instead listening to their geometry teacher? No one likes that. But running on a tree lined avenue, or in the park, with an Ipod and possibly next to a friend who runs at the same pace? Now that is fun.
I guess what I'm saying is that I have always been highly motivated to learn this new language of the country that we will soon call home. But I have gone back and forth in thinking that it was actually possible for me to really speak another language. I feel confident now that I can learn this language. And that is really huge for me, because for years I would have told you that it was next to impossible for me to learn a new language. That it was going to be an uphill battle the entire way and that even in the end I wouldn't really be able to speak very well.
My perception now of what it will look like to learn a new language is really similar to how I view my ability to touch my toes or my ability to run. I'm not the best at it, but given the ideal circumstances and techniques that work for me, it is possible for me to speak another language. And speak it well.
Language learning will be a lot like running and touching my toes, it won't come naturally. I'm going to have to work at it. I'm going to have to discipline myself and make myself do it some days. But it will be rewarding in the same way that running and Pilates are rewarding. I'm going to need the right equipment to learn language, the same way I need a mat to do Pilates and an instruction video/book. Sometimes I'll try things that won't work and sometimes I'll find something to works right away. Somedays I'll be tired and need to take it easy, and other days I'll need to push myself to run that extra distance.
One thing I'm very grateful for, that I haven't mentioned yet. My love for running and my love for Pilates grew because someone else was there to help me get started. I think it will be the same for learning language. I'm going to need someone to help me get started, and that is why I praise God that he gave me the Captain. Because do you know what he scored on that same language ability test?
All Categories: Very High %
I know, he's a smartie and I'm going to take advantage of it...
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Today I found...
When the Captain and I first got engaged some friends got together and threw us a surprise party. One of the gifts they gave us, other then four carved pumpkins with a pirate theme, was a book with reasons why we were a good couple. I found it today and had to laugh. Here are a few of the reasons we make a good couple, according to our friends:
1) Because I'm all about the Chinese male-Caucasian female pairing. (Not hard to guess who this one was, thanks C!)
2) Because he is so funny and she is so quality.
3) Because you guys are such a neat pair.
4) Because God brought you two together.
5) Because any girl who is a friend of the Captain is a friend of, well, the Captain.
6) Because marriage is such a blessing and a gift and you both are next!!
7) Because you are better together then you would ever be apart.
8) Because the Captain needs someone to organize and civilize him.
9) Because she needs someone to make her smile.
10)Because you both love people so much.
11) Because you are both so unique--yet so uniquely designed for one another too.
My personal favorite is number 7, although the quality comment was awfully nice. Thanks friends, we love you!
1) Because I'm all about the Chinese male-Caucasian female pairing. (Not hard to guess who this one was, thanks C!)
2) Because he is so funny and she is so quality.
3) Because you guys are such a neat pair.
4) Because God brought you two together.
5) Because any girl who is a friend of the Captain is a friend of, well, the Captain.
6) Because marriage is such a blessing and a gift and you both are next!!
7) Because you are better together then you would ever be apart.
8) Because the Captain needs someone to organize and civilize him.
9) Because she needs someone to make her smile.
10)Because you both love people so much.
11) Because you are both so unique--yet so uniquely designed for one another too.
My personal favorite is number 7, although the quality comment was awfully nice. Thanks friends, we love you!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tonight I was reading on a plane and I got very hungry...
Have you ever noticed that food in books sounds even more delicious then food in real life? I'm not sure how you can begin to explain this phenomenon but it has always been true for me. I'd give anything for a glass of butter beer while reading a Harry Potter book and I've already blogged about how Percy's fried gizzards sound like heaven with Jan Karon is my author of choice. When in real life, who wants to drink something called butter beer. And come on, fried gizzards? That's just gross. Although I did just meet a girl from North Carolina who say's they're pretty good.
Anyways, I read a paragraph tonight and could make endless comments on how beautifully I thought it was written. What an astute point I felt like it makes on life, family conflicts, what to do when you feel like you're not sure just what to do and how I hope to be a women who fills her home with the fragrance of good food. I read it twice for those very reasons. But now as I read it the third time, because I wanted to blog about it, all I can say is that this paragraph is making me hungry...for chicken and dumplings.
From Home by Marilynne Robinson
How to announce the return of comfort and well-being except by cooking something fragrant. That is what her mother always did. After every calamity of any significance she would fill the atmosphere of the house with the smell of cinnamon rolls or brownies, or with chicken and dumplings, and it would mean, This house has a soul that loves us all, no matter what. It would mean peace if they had fought and amnesty if they been in trouble. It had meant, You can come down to dinner now, and no one will say a thing to bother you, unless you have forgotten to wash your hands. And her father would offer the grace, inevitable with minor variations, thanking the Lord for all the wonderful faces he saw around his table.
Anyways, I read a paragraph tonight and could make endless comments on how beautifully I thought it was written. What an astute point I felt like it makes on life, family conflicts, what to do when you feel like you're not sure just what to do and how I hope to be a women who fills her home with the fragrance of good food. I read it twice for those very reasons. But now as I read it the third time, because I wanted to blog about it, all I can say is that this paragraph is making me hungry...for chicken and dumplings.
From Home by Marilynne Robinson
How to announce the return of comfort and well-being except by cooking something fragrant. That is what her mother always did. After every calamity of any significance she would fill the atmosphere of the house with the smell of cinnamon rolls or brownies, or with chicken and dumplings, and it would mean, This house has a soul that loves us all, no matter what. It would mean peace if they had fought and amnesty if they been in trouble. It had meant, You can come down to dinner now, and no one will say a thing to bother you, unless you have forgotten to wash your hands. And her father would offer the grace, inevitable with minor variations, thanking the Lord for all the wonderful faces he saw around his table.
Monday, April 6, 2009
To my husband, the Captain...
AL recently blogged about my husband and referred to him as "The Captain" which will from this point forward be the nickname that I will also refer to my husband by whenever I blog. My husband has many pseudo names: Captain, Mister, Captain Amazing...I'm actually never sure where these nicknames originate, but I do have clues.
A few years ago The Captain was applying for a credit card when he realized that he could pick any title he wanted to go in the title box before his first name. So he picked Captain. Now whenever he has to call that credit card company with a question or concern, they always refer to him as Captain. "Is that all for you today Captain?" "I hope you are pleased today with your service Captain." And if you look in his wallet you will see this card with the word Captain clearly displayed.
In the whole wide world there are probably only a handful of people who have ever thought of creating a false title on their credit card just to see what happened. But out of those handful of people how many of them have ever had a Genius at the Apple store actually call them a genius?
Yes, that's right, probably only one...my husband, the Captain. A while ago when I first became a Mac user I needed to take a trip to the Apple store to have something in my Apple Care plan looked at. The so-called Genius behind the counter asked me for my serial number. "Oh, I'm sorry I don't have that with me," I replied. "Well then," said the so-called Genius. "I won't be able to help you without it."
My situation was bleak until the Captain stepped in to save the day. With just a few keyboard shortcuts he quickly showed the so-called Genius where the serial number was stored in the system profiler. "Wow," the so-called Genius said with a sharp intake of air. "That's really smart." And that's when the Captain showed the so-called Genius what true genius looked like. (OK, so he really didn't call him genius, but still really smart has to be a synonym of the word genius.)
So to you, my husband, the Captain, the only person in the world who would both create a false title on your credit card and show the so-called Genius what true Genius looks like I want to tell you how much I love you and I love all the crazy things that you do.
You make me smile. And you also bought me a Kindle...which also makes me smile and start jumping up and down like a five year old at Disney World at the front of the line for the Mickey Mouse shaped ice creams. But even without my new rocking awesome Kindle you still give me plenty of reasons to smile. I'm so glad I married you and agreed to get on board the ship.
A few years ago The Captain was applying for a credit card when he realized that he could pick any title he wanted to go in the title box before his first name. So he picked Captain. Now whenever he has to call that credit card company with a question or concern, they always refer to him as Captain. "Is that all for you today Captain?" "I hope you are pleased today with your service Captain." And if you look in his wallet you will see this card with the word Captain clearly displayed.
In the whole wide world there are probably only a handful of people who have ever thought of creating a false title on their credit card just to see what happened. But out of those handful of people how many of them have ever had a Genius at the Apple store actually call them a genius?
Yes, that's right, probably only one...my husband, the Captain. A while ago when I first became a Mac user I needed to take a trip to the Apple store to have something in my Apple Care plan looked at. The so-called Genius behind the counter asked me for my serial number. "Oh, I'm sorry I don't have that with me," I replied. "Well then," said the so-called Genius. "I won't be able to help you without it."
My situation was bleak until the Captain stepped in to save the day. With just a few keyboard shortcuts he quickly showed the so-called Genius where the serial number was stored in the system profiler. "Wow," the so-called Genius said with a sharp intake of air. "That's really smart." And that's when the Captain showed the so-called Genius what true genius looked like. (OK, so he really didn't call him genius, but still really smart has to be a synonym of the word genius.)
So to you, my husband, the Captain, the only person in the world who would both create a false title on your credit card and show the so-called Genius what true Genius looks like I want to tell you how much I love you and I love all the crazy things that you do.
You make me smile. And you also bought me a Kindle...which also makes me smile and start jumping up and down like a five year old at Disney World at the front of the line for the Mickey Mouse shaped ice creams. But even without my new rocking awesome Kindle you still give me plenty of reasons to smile. I'm so glad I married you and agreed to get on board the ship.
Friday, April 3, 2009
A place for people to go and just borrow books...
"Reading is such an expensive hobby. There should be a place for people to go where they can just borrow the books instead of buying them." Sister #1
"You mean like a library?" Sister #2
We recently had a friend over to dinner who recounted this conversation with her sister. We laughed really hard, but it reminded me of this moment in my life when I rediscovered the library."You mean like a library?" Sister #2
After too much time in a little bitty town going to college surrounded by all the joys and sorrows of Christian culture, I'd forgotten that there were books to be read that didn't come with a syllabus attached or had to be purchased at a store with a fish next to it's name. In a flash of genius one day I wandered into the Ventana Canyon branch of the Tucson Public Library (I was living with my parents at the time) and wandered out with a stack of 12 books in hand. I was so excited that they were all for me to read, absolutely free! I wanted to reach across the circulation desk and give the librarian a kiss. But I refrained, because after all, I did want to be allowed back in to check out more.
When I think about things I'll miss no longer living in America, the library is definitely in my top five. I'll miss it's shelves and shelves of books that I can borrow...for free! I'll miss the new books section and staff recommendations that always hold new finds. I'll miss the religion section that allows me to avoid the fish bookstores. I'll miss wondering through the stacks of books with a Boba in had since the library in Richardson allows drinks with containers. (Note: I'll miss the stacks of books, not the Boba, I'm sure I'll be able to find some of that deliciousness where we're headed.) I'll miss the smell of library books...even though that's really gross because it actually is the smell of lots of people reading.
So over the next four weeks I'm giving myself full permission to head to the library as much as I possibly can. Even though there is much to be done, there's always time to grab a Boba and stop by just to browse through the shelves and see what's new at the library.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Blog title...
I've never written about the title of my blog, but I feel like today is an appropriate day to do so since I gave this blog it's title as a way of reminding myself to check the direction of my heart. Dr. P and JP wrote a book that I really like called LifeSpace. in it they describe the Christian life not as a life of checklists, rules, regulations and busyness but rather as something that is freeing. A life that is rich in meaning and full rather then a life that is tight, constricted and wrapped around ourselves. It's what happens when we point the gaze of our hearts outwards and upwards towards God instead of inward towards our own selfish selves.
I like that. I don't like pointing my heart towards me. I like it when I know that I'm looking outwards and upwards instead of just at myself. I literally have four to-do lists that I've written in the last 12 hours. Most of these to-do lists have the same "to-dos" listed. I haven't been a very good listener lately and I haven't been very nice to my husband. In a nutshell, I need to check the direction I'm facing today...
I like that. I don't like pointing my heart towards me. I like it when I know that I'm looking outwards and upwards instead of just at myself. I literally have four to-do lists that I've written in the last 12 hours. Most of these to-do lists have the same "to-dos" listed. I haven't been a very good listener lately and I haven't been very nice to my husband. In a nutshell, I need to check the direction I'm facing today...
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